


Why Won't You Fall In Love Already?

by Peculeah



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Idiots, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 16:35:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19398079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peculeah/pseuds/Peculeah
Summary: So, I saw this prompt on Tumblr and I just had to write it:'Everyone tries to get them together but they've actually been married/together for an inordinately long time and everyone else is oblivious.'-"Anathema, don't you think that we should just leave them to it?" Newt pushed his glasses further up his nose."Absolutely not, they're clearly enamored with each other and are completely oblivious to the fact. They just need a push in the right direction." She had a determined glint in her eye and Newt resigned himself to following along with whatever it was she wanted to do. He generally found that was the easiest and smartest option."Go on then," he sighed. "What's the plan?""We're going to go on a double date, convince them that they love each other and then be bridesmaids at their wedding.""Right." Newt considered the plan. "Will I have to wear a dress?"





	Why Won't You Fall In Love Already?

It was a typical day weather-wise in London. That is to say, the weather was entirely unpredictable, changing from one hour to the next. It had already rained, hailed, and thundered and right now the sun was so scorchingly hot that every redhead in London was forced to travel to their nearest pharmacy to bulk-buy suncream. (All bar one redhead, that is. This particular redhead was used to much more oppressive temperatures and couldn't exactly get his hands on SPF 500 in his local Boots.)

Anathema had never been to London before and found that the sights and smells were almost overwhelming. There were so many people, she didn't think she'd ever felt so claustrophobic in an outside space before. Despite this feeling, she was thoroughly enjoying being prophecy free and coveting every opportunity for spontaneity, so as soon as Newt had suggested an impulsive trip to visit Crowley and Aziraphale in London she had hopped into the passenger seat of Dick Turpin with a suitcase full of clothes and a head full of schemes.

"I'm going to go over the plan again." She had said after they parked in the closest spot to Aziraphale's bookshop that they could find. (Newt speculated that they could have stayed parked outside Jasmine Cottage and been exactly the same distance away, but he didn't say this to Anathema.)

"Anathema, don't you think that we should just leave them to it?" Newt pushed his glasses further up his nose from where they had slipped down with sweat caused by the beating sun. 

"Absolutely not, they're clearly enamored with each other and are completely oblivious to the fact. They just need a push in the right direction." She had a determined glint in her eye and Newt resigned himself to following along with whatever it was she wanted to do. He generally found that was the easiest and smartest option. 

"Go on then," he sighed. "What's the plan?"

"We're going to go on a double date, convince them that they love each other and then be bridesmaids at their wedding."

"Right." Newt considered the plan. "Will I have to wear a dress?"

-

"Anathema, my dear!" Aziraphale pulled the woman into a deep embrace the moment they arrived at the shop. She was always amazed at the way warmth and love simply flooded through him; it was as though he was made of the stuff. "It's so wonderful to see you here! I trust your journey was uneventful. No raining fish this time?"

She grinned widely and sidestepped to allow Newt to receive his own comforting hug. "No raining fish so far today, but it's only lunchtime!" Aziraphale laughed warmly with her. "Where is Mr. Crowley?"

"He should be arriving presently, he is well aware that I won't tolerate him being late." He looked down at his watch and did the maths in his head. "He should be here in, oh, approximately 30 seconds. Would you like to take your bags upstairs in the meantime, my dear?"

He directed them towards the staircase at the back of the bookshop and up into his tiny flat. Anathema had just placed her suitcase on the floor at the exact moment the bell for the shop jangled merrily, indicating someone's arrival.

"Are they here yet, angel? I'm desperate for a whiskey." Crowley's low drawl carried across the span of the bookshop and Aziraphale rolled his eyes before calling down to him.

"Yes, dear boy. However, considering its barely midday and we have guests I would probably suggest a cup of tea or cocoa before a whiskey." Aziraphale smiled apologetically at the couple. "Your room is just through that door on the right. I do apologize for Crowley's alcoholism. I'm sure you don't want to be spending your time in London drinking with two old coots."

"Oh no, that's exactly what we want to do!" Anathema beamed. This was all going according to plan.

-

"You're telling me you went all the way to Paris just for crepes?" Anathema was sat, her head resting on her hands, watching the two men in complete awe. They had somehow managed to get them a table at the Ritz, chatting to the servers as though they were old friends. While _her_ family was well off due to their investments in Apple thanks to _The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter_ , Anathema understood that Newt was not accustomed to the finer things in life, and had looked incredibly uncomfortable for their entire meal. (She had squeezed his hand reassuringly while he tried four times to say 'beef bourguignon' and ended up ordering the soup instead.) By the time they'd got to dessert Crowley had ingested a large quantity of alcohol and was entertaining the couple with dozens of stories that seemed almost impossible to imagine, even for a witch. 

"This guy here," He gestured over to Aziraphale who, in turn, was shoveling a small mountain of cake into his mouth. "This guy is a sucker for French breakfast foods. One trip to Paris and he's as happy as a fly in dung. He'd honestly risk his life for it." 

Aziraphale nodded in confirmation, swallowing his mouthful before adding, "and Crowley loves a good holiday. Likes to travel, so Paris is good for both of us."

The redhead held his champagne glass up in a toast, grinning as Aziraphale presented his own glass and chinked the two together. 

"You two know each other so well." Anathema pressed, ignoring Newt's gentle kick under the table. "Are there any other people in your lives that know you both so well?"

The pair seemed to consider the question for a moment, sharing a few knowing looks, before Aziraphale took it upon himself to answer. "I don't believe there is anyone on Earth who could ever understand me the way Crowley does, and I'm sure he would say the same."

"Nah," Crowley swirled the champagne around in his glass, smirking devilishly. "I've been trying to get rid of him for years. Won't take the hint." He grinned at Anathema, ignoring Aziraphale's indignant splutters. "Honestly, I think he might be a bit obsessed with me."

"Says Mr. _Lets-Run-Away-To-Alpha-Centauri_. I couldn't get rid of you if I tried!" His face had turned slightly red from frustration, a fact that only made Crowley's grin widen, splitting his face in half.

"You wouldn't try though, would you? You'd be lost without me!"

"Honestly my dear," Aziraphale directed his attention back to Anathema, resolutely ignoring the waggling eyebrows to his left. "Thank the heavens that young Newton here doesn't have too much of an ego! It's utterly impossible to endure."

"Oh, so you would say that you have a similar relationship to Newt and me?" Anathema questioned, leading Newt to once again kick his girlfriend in the shin. He received a jab in the thigh in retaliation.

Crowley snorted. "I should hope not."

"Don't be rude." The blonde chastised. "I'm sure you'll appreciate that we have very different relationships. It seems redundant to attempt to compare them." He smiled sweetly before gesturing to their server to bring over their bill. It would seem that Anathema would have to be more proactive.

"But if you were to describe it?"

"Our relationship?" Aziraphale verified with Anathema before answering. "I would describe it as ineffable." Seemingly satisfied with his answer, the blonde paid the bill and stood up from the table. "Shall we make a move?"

Ineffable was not the answer Anathema was hoping for.

-

After leaving the restaurant, Anathema had decided to change tactics. She had explained the updated plan to Newt as such; "We're going to create a romantic scene where they will be unable to do anything other than realize that they are madly in love and make out for a week."

"And how are we going to do that?"

"Just watch," She had muttered before raising her voice to get the attention of the two men walking in front. "As it is still fairly light out, do you think we could go for a romantic walk along the Thames? We could sit on the bank and watch the sunset. Of course, it would be incredibly romantic. Would that be a problem for you?"

"Walking for fun was definitely one of yours," Crowley mumbled to the blonde, folding his arms across his chest. 

Aziraphale gave him a pointed look. "We'd love a walk along the Thames, wouldn't we Crowley?"

The redhead scowled. "I'd rather watch you do magic."

"You would? That's fantastic! I just learned a new trick yesterday actually! I just need to find my handkerchief-"

"No! _No, no, no!_ Walking it is, walking is fine, let's walk." The redhead sped up, speeding along the pavement away from Aziraphale who began to chase after him, waving his handkerchief merrily chanting. "It's fun, Crowley! I can make it change colour!"

-

"This doesn't seem to be working the way you think it will." Newt watched Aziraphale and Crowley from where he and Anathema had sat on the riverbank. The pair were currently arguing over whether it was morally wrong to feed the ducks gluten-free bread and whether ducks could be celiac. "Maybe they just don't have romantic feelings towards each other. They don't seem to be that bothered about a romantic evening."

Anathema sighed and rested her head on Newt's shoulder. What could she do to help the two oblivious men realize that they loved each other without saying it outright? She didn't want to embarrass anyone if she was wrong but she couldn't sit around and say nothing. "Mr. Crowley!" She called out, "We were just talking about how particularly handsome Mr. Fell was looking this evening, weren't we, Newt?"

"Um-"

"Do you agree?"

Crowley's eyebrows raised in confusion and he looked over to Aziraphale. "Well, he looks the same as he always does." He did a quick once over as though to check that nothing was out of the ordinary. "Have you done something differently?"

"Not since I bought this shirt in 1983, but I appreciate the compliment, my dear." This was directed at Anathema, who was starting to get a little frustrated.

"What about Mr. Crowley? He's looking incredibly suave."

Crowley snorted at this. "I'm always suave. It comes as standard." He gestured down at what appeared to be the whole of his body before nudging the blonde slightly self-consciously. "Right?"

Aziraphale nodded, smiling obliviously. "Of course, dear boy."

With a cry of frustration, Anathema tried one last time. "But do you find each other attractive?!" 

A passerby walking his dog jumped out of his skin at the outcry but the pair didn't seem to notice. "Why on Earth would you ask that?" Aziraphale looked faintly amused but mostly just puzzled and Crowley had gone back to watching the ducks.

Unable to come up with an answer that wouldn't make her sound like a fool if she really had jumped to the wrong conclusion, Anathema sighed defeatedly. "It doesn't matter. Do you think we could go back home now, I'm suddenly very tired."

-

Under the covers in Aziraphale's spare bedroom, Newt waited patiently as his girlfriend went through everything that had gone wrong with her plan throughout the day. "They don't seem to have even considered a relationship like ours, they don't have any concept of whether each other is physically attractive, they're not interested in being romantic..." She paced from one end of the room to the other, gesticulating wildly as she ranted. "I don't understand, I was so sure they loved each other."

Newt patted the bed next to him and Anathema climbed in, snuggling up against her boyfriend with a sigh. "I'm sure they do love each other," he said softly. "Just, perhaps in a different way."

Anathema conceded, pressing a kiss against his shoulder. "I suppose you're right."

-

"Do you have any idea why humans always seem so fascinated with our relationship?" Aziraphale poured Crowley another glass of wine. They had moved down into the bookshop as not to disturb their guests as they slept, deciding to continue their evening with wine and the soft sounds of Tchaikovsky.

"I don't understand why humans do anything. Have you seen sporks? Mental."

Aziraphale laughed and sat down next to where Crowley lounged across a large, dated sofa, smiling as the demon wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him close against his side. "I was rather surprised that they compared our relationship to theirs."

Crowley snorted. "I know, right? You've been desperately in love for 6000 years? Yeah, that's pretty much the same as our two-month tryst, right?"

"Desperately in love, how romantic?" Aziraphale teased, loving how Crowley cringed at the word.

"I'm not romantic, I'm malevolent and diabolical!"

"You're lovely." The angel tilted his head to place a kiss against Crowley's protesting lips, not moving until the kiss was reciprocated. "I adore you."

Crowley cracked a small smile, pulling his angel even closer. "That's good because you're basically stuck with me forever."


End file.
